Why do you have to be so anal about this?

I’m sure not all men are into anal sex. Or maybe they are, I don’t know. But of the five male sexual partners (is ‘sexual partner’ the same as ‘person you’ve had sex with’? Does it depend on how you define sex? Or partner? I wasn’t counting some people who I have engaged in sexual activities with, or people who I wasn’t also in a romantic relationship with)… okay let me start again.

I have had engaged in some kind of sexually orientated activities involving genitals (I think that covers all the bases) with nine people. Eight of them were male. Of the eight, five I have had sexual intercourse with. Four of those were guys I was in a romantic relationship with at the time. Three of them expressed an interest in anal sex.

Of the three, I have tried anal with two of them. I did not like it. The first was in my second longest relationship (outlived only by my current one). He was into it, I didn’t find the idea remotely appealing but decided (relented? It was a long time ago) to be open-minded and try it. I only wanted to because my boyfriend at the time was so turned on by it. I felt a bit pressured, to be honest. I’ll admit I did almost enjoy it one time, but not really, and only because I could tell he liked it so much. Definitely not on my favourites list; wouldn’t care – and probably would be happiest – if I never did it again.

Years later (although now a few years have passed since), my current partner asked if I wanted to try it. I said I wasn’t super keen but would think about it (I think, I don’t really remember). In any case I was, again, willing to give it a go. This time I didn’t feel the pressure (or did I? Is there always some kind of pressure to please your partner?), only a desire to enjoy my partner enjoying it. And maybe I would like it this time. I didn’t. I was so tense for the entire duration that when it was over I just burst into tears. Mostly from relief, I think. He promised he would never ask again, and he never has.

Rewind back a few years to a sort of vague undefined relationship with a different guy who remains an enigma to me to this day. We lived together, shared a room, were sleeping together, but I don’t think I ever heard him refer to me as his girlfriend. Probably a whole separate story there. He, too, was keen on trying anal with me and asked if I was keen. I said I wasn’t a fan. He asked if I’d ever tried it. I said I had and the conversation pretty much ended there. He never brought it up again, and I have always, always respected him for that.

I don’t know why – in my limited experience – it seems that men are so keen on sticking it in your ass, but it’s just not my thing. If it’s your thing, that’s cool, you just won’t be putting your thing in my thing.

Please, by Cliff Johnson (image used under license via Creative Commons)

One Reply to “Why do you have to be so anal about this?”

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